Ever have a hard time in your relationship?
Want a quick handy guide on how to get back in sync?
Here are a couple of ways to get off it, and take your relationship up…
1st and foremost:
Give Up Your Need to be Right
It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right or who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather feel love and be connected?”
What difference does it really make – who is right or who is wrong?
Ask yourself: “Is my ego really that fragile?” “Why can’t I be wrong?” “What would it mean to be wrong?” “What would happen if I just let it go?”
Open your heart. Can you be more vulnerable?
Get curious. “Why are they saying that?” “Why do they think or feel that way?” “What do they want?”
If you can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending your relationship or causing a great deal of stress and pain, it is time to ask yourself: “Why am I so desperate?” “What do I need – really?”
Give Up Your Need for Control
Be willing to give up your need to control everything that happens to you or around you – situations, events, people, etc. Trying to control people or events will only add to your experience of being out of control. You can’t begin to control everything.
When you feel you need to control your partner so that they behave in a way that will guarantee your happiness or sense of security – it will cost both you and your partner happiness and security.
Whether they are loved ones or coworkers just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are – relax and breathe.“The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu
Give Up Attachment
This is a concept that for most of us is hard to grasp but it’s not impossible. When you are attached to what your partner does or doesn’t do you can set yourself up for disappointment.
Love and attachment have nothing to do with one another. Attachment comes from a place of fear. Being attached does not provide any guarantee.
Relationships don’t come with guarantees. You are the source of your happiness and your experience of security.
When you love your partner you can open your heart to accept them – the way they are. Love provides peace, tolerance, and a sense of certainty. A state beyond attachment.
Give Up Labeling
Notice when you want to label what the other person is doing according to your believes. They are being “selfish” “snobbish” “inconsiderate” “mean” etc. Stop labeling events or what your partner is doing. These labels won’t give you any understanding or information about what is really going on.
One good way to notice, explore, and discover something about your partner (as well as yourself) is to let go of labeling. Be curious. Let go of thinking that you know them or the “truth.”
Give Up Self-defeating Self-talk
Look at your mindset.
Are you hurting yourself more by the story you are telling yourself about what they did or didn’t do? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating.
Before you get into blaming them or yourself – you are usually having a very negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating conversation in your head.
Let go of self-defeating, disempowering self-talk.
Give Up Your Expectations (Your Rights)
Yes I know, we all have expectations that our partner should or shouldn’t do certain things.
You assume your partner “should” do certain things for you and you may even take that for granted. A husband “should” do this and a wife “should” do that. You expect them to behave the way you want them to.
When you think you have “rights” with your partner you will expect them to behave a certain way.
Actually, you don’t have any rights. You can have requirements, agreements, and requests. These are different than rights. The former take communication; rights are unexamined expectations.
As long as you have unfulfilled expectations you will be disappointed. These unfulfilled expectations are ripe grounds for blaming your partner.
Give Up Your Limiting Beliefs
If you limit what is possible, you will never know what is possible.
Notice if you think something is never going to change or something is impossible to have or to do. It is your limiting belief that has you stuck – not them.
Notice if you think they don’t want to give you what you want. If you are sure they won’t give you what you want, it will be easy to slip into blaming them, missing the fact that it is you that is keeping yourself from getting what you want.
Go for what you want.
Communication is the key!