Communication = Access to Love in Your Relationship

HummingbirdsDo you often feel thwarted or ineffective when you try to communicate?

Do you ever have angry or cold exchanges in your relationships that you settle for as communication?

When you truly communicate and connect with your partner you can resolve your problems and access the love in your relationships.


Verbal and non-verbal communication

There are at least two ways that you communicate: verbally and non verbally. Under the non verbal realm you have physical body communication (posture), vibes (what energy you are putting out), eye communication (just watch a mother stop a child in it’s tracks with a look), and emotion (you communicate your emotions of anger, grief, irritation, sadness etc).

Your language system or verbal communication is built on a representational model. The verbal part of your communication makes up about 6% of communication – the rest is communicated non-verbally. It is useful to put more attention and awareness on your and other’s non-verbal communications.

If you are talking to your partner and they have their arms crossed over their chest, their posture is demonstrating that they have their heart covered, protected, and not particularly open to connecting with you. It would be more effective at this point to say something or do something to have them be more open to your communication.

When you notice that your partner is demonstrating low vitality you can access that they are tired, or something is off – maybe they aren’t feeling well. This would not be a good time to bring up an issue that could cause a fight.

You can look into your partner’s eyes and see what is going on – are they upset, are they avoiding being with you, are they right there with you, etc. When you pay attention to your partner’s mood, non-verbal cues, and emotional communication, you can avoid being surprised. You will have a better idea on how to be with your partner or where to take the conversation.

If you have ever visited a foreign country and not spoken the language you know how difficult it can be to accurately communicate. One time when I was in Germany I ordered pot roast and ended with bratwurst. That was not too bad a problem around miscommunication.

However, a serious miscommunication was demonstrated in Vietnam when American soldiers mistook the Vietnamese people’s smiling, which represented surrender and acquiescence to the Vietnamese, as defiance and arrogance. Many Vietnamese lost their life in that miscommunication.


In your own country people around you speak the same language, but this does not mean that they really comprehend what you are saying. Your gender, family background, culture, schooling, religion, urban or country upbringing all affect your ability to communicate and be understood. In your relationship there may be times that what you say is not clearly understood or misinterpreted by your partner. Paying better attention to non-verbal communication will have you more in sync with your partner.

When you experience communication difficulties you could stop trying to communicate all together. You could think, “Why bother, they won’t understand anyway.” Eventually this will lead to an unhealthy relationship.

Maybe you blame the other person for your lack of communication. This can become a vicious cycle that will leave you feeling powerless, frustrated, angry and alone.

To be a better communicator start paying attention to your partners non-verbal language. Get good at reading the non-verbal communication in your relationship. Open up verbal communication about what you are picking up non-verbally.

Access to the love in your relationship by being fully in communication.

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